Yo yo yo

So I always thought it would be hard to start a blog because I'm not exactly computer savvy, but after seeing the park sister's blog spot (theparksisters.blogspot.com) I was like what the haiiillll it can't be that hard...not that I'm saying the park sisters are retarded or anything. *big smile* i kid! i kid i kid. i heart the park sisters and i think they are beautiful and they know they're ridiculously (or ridonkulously as they would say) smart . i would give them a big bear hug but i might crush their fragile little bones. 

back to the subject at hand. which is, why i'm starting a blog. well, why the fuck not? i like to write. i lead a semi-interesting life, fueled by alcohol. and i want to prove i have a life outside of prime, because everyone thinks i live there. which i don't...only sometimes. im at a point in my life where everything has basically been fucked and im almost homeless with no car and (almost) no job. why not document it. it can't get any worse. butttt knowing my luck, im sure something will happen to fuck it up more. i should have titled this blog FUCK MY LIFE for all the luck i have. so basically yeah, i made this to write about myself. i know i know, a dream come true for some of you. please, hold the applause. and if you can't tell im effing sarcastic, then go eat a dick and die. 

lately i've been experiencing a lot of firsts. i moved out on my own for the first time. i packed up my bags on a whim and went on a literally last minute trip to new york alone with no plans. i have been carless for the first time in my life since i started driving. i went on a date with a younger guy (people who know me well know my rule on that). i went to minnesota. i have experienced a lot of things that have humbled me. ive cried more in this past month than i have in my life. fuck i hate crying. but you know what? i feel kinda good. like ive woken up and see everything in a different light. (random thought: sorry to all those who are irked by my lack of capitalizing and punctuation. im lazy. what can i say.)

ANYWAYS. enough of the serious shit. let's talk about my trip to minnesota. or should i say...MIIINNNEESSSSoooooooooooTTTTAAAA. with the accent. it drives them crazy. *smile* God knows that i would never voluntarily go to minnesota for vacation. vegas? yes. nyc? hells yes. la? where's my ticket. but minnesota? i would have to say no. but i like to think people only get married once (or twice) so 7 of us atliens flew up to minnesota for a wedding. we stayed in minnetonka, mn. i know. wtf? i didnt know such a place existed. at first we were all like fuuuucckkk what the fuck are we going to do here? and at the end of the trip we were all like fuuuuccckk i dont want to go back to atlanta!!! because THAT my friends, is how much fun we had. yes. no sarcasm, im dead ass. let me just say minnesota has some of the craziest, most fun, most hospitable people we have ever met in our lives. and they're all alcoholics, so we fit right in. the first night there was this atl vs mn battle and these evil girls who shall not be named (lauren and lisa) joined heads with the antichrist bartender (john's cousin) and tricked us into taking a countless number of 151 shots. but did we fall? never. did i end the night dancing like a michinyon and doing the air guitar? yes. but i like to tell myself that's a good thing. i told my sister laughing, and she just covered her face in shame...of me. she does that a lot. i have no idea why. the magic word is booby. oh yeah. before we went drunk dancing down the street, we started the night going to the wrong bar, thanks to john the groom who gave us the name the bar USED to be called. so we googled it, climbed in the rented black on black navi with sam's semi-dried vomit on the side, and ended up at the shiestiest looking ghetto ass bar ever. it was in a supermarket plaza. need i say more? THE DIVE BAR. in st paul, mn. don't go there. let me help you out. as soon as we walked in there were holes burned into the side of our heads from people staring. picture this. blue neon lights, ghetto booty music from 1999, a bunch of tpt fat ass white girls jiggling against each other on the tiny dance floor, pinball machines, pool tables. as soon as i walked in the door guy handed me a red plastic cup with "Captain Morgan" printed on the side and urged me to hurry because i had 10 minutes left to get free drinks. i thanked him and left it in the bathroom. we were the only asians in there, and we were dressed to go clubbing. they were wearing windbreaker outfits and those horrible chunky heel shoes and denim miniskirts that were too short. and if you guys say, hey, there's nothing wrong with short skirts! i say in response, there is when the person wearing it is a pale mini version of Shamoo with cottage cheese thighs. the bitch bartender blatantly ignored us for 10 minutes and i was about to jump over the bar and punch the bitch in the throat but she got lucky and the nice guy bartender served us. i hope she reads this and knows how close she was to imminent death. 

the next 10 minutes was a whirlwind of events. there was a cat fight where this dominican chick knocked the fuck out of this big white girl because she was talking to her black boyfriend. LOL. i missed the actual fight because i have the worst timing in the world and had to pee. but i saw the girl walk in with a bleeding face. the guys were so excited like "DUUUUDE you just missed the craziest shit this bitch just got knocked the fuckoutttt!". she broke her captain morgan cup. i wouldnt be surprised if thats what started the fight. then boae got grinded on by a 40 something fat white lesbian ajumma. from the back. she is still traumatized to this day. i remember how she curled up in a little ball in the car, close to tears. im evil and couldnt stop laughing. after boae's special buttrub we went to smoke, wondering where all our mn friends were, and they called us, wondering where the hell we were. turns out we were at the wrong dive bar. i wish someone could have recorded our faces when we found out. we all bolted for the door and made it to the place in record time. and power drank because everything in mn closes at 2 on the DOT. literally, at 2:00 AM the lights come on and the bouncers push you out the door by 2:01. what happened the rest of the night is strictly off record. if i write about it ill be assassinated by someone ninja stealth style.

jesus im hungry. ive been constipated since we got back and i just sulssahed it all out so my stomach is empty. sorry. random thought. 

all in all, it was a great trip. i learned that minnesota people are cool as fuck AND hilarious (at least the ones we met), they have a diner with the most delicious crab cakes benedict EVER, hennesey is still gross, and i can pound the shit out of heinekens when there is no other beer available. oh yeah, and clint eastwood park is the worst plus one ever for a wedding. we will definitely go back. sans clint. 

ill save my last minute trip to biloxi that was decided at 4 AM at the end of a drunken night at prime for another blog. i wrote way too much, my fingers hurt, and im sure no one has read the whole thing. because if you did, you would know the magic word (thanks juno*).