what girls talk about

im sure all guys have wondered at some point, wtf do girls talk about? okay, im sure guys really dont give a fuck what girls talk about, but contrary to popular belief its not all about shopping and fashion and shit like that. after a lengthy bbm conversation with a crazy girlfriend of mine, during which i almost died from splitting my gut laughing, i decided to post bits and pieces of our convo to give you all a glimpse into the secret world of girl talk. well, the shit that me and some of my girls talk about. (some is verbatim, some is recalled from memory) m=me. x=secret friend.

x: i envy the girls that can come top bottom finger spatula whatever. i can only come if im on top and as long as they dont start bouncing me up and down. i get really angry when they do that.

m: i can see you, turning all mad and the black cloud forming over your head

x: i get nothing out of guys going down on me. what i feel like doing is punching them in the face. but i generally just play along and fake it. the burden of being a woman. i try to fight the bouncing but they're stronger than me. 

m: me too! hahahha omg you are the only one other than me

x: holy shit. youre the first girl ive met that doesnt like it either. everyone thinks im crazy. or getting head from a farm animal.

m: i know. i get that all the time. the crazy comment, not head from an animal.

x: whenever guys get too eager to go down on me im like oh baby i NEED you now!

m: hahahaha i just straight grab their head and say nononono dont do that please.

x: do guys like it? i cant imagine it being very pleasant. but i dont mind going down on guys as long as they dont ask.

m: me too. God. we are twins.

x: labias linked for life

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x: you know what i cant stand? the jack rabbit. no woman likes the jack rabbit.

m: those are the worst

x: its always the ones with the smallest peens that talk the most shit. and then they pump so fast like theyre hoping you wont notice.

m: hahaha i know, im like damn where's the fire???! im not going anywhere!!!

x: um, theyre trying to start a fire in your vagina, duh. haven't you ever seen survivorman?

m: LOL. i'll pass. i dont enjoy getting dick burn.

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x: i dont like talking during sex. it breaks my concentration. im more of a grunt girl.

m: whhhaaat! you dont like dirty talk? well, then again, it depends on how the guy sounds. they have to do it right. bad dirty talk is a huge turnoff. my vaj will dry up like a raisin in the sun. 

x: yeah. like, if theyre too nice about it. "i wanna fuck you doggy style...if thats ok with you"

m: LOL. gross. or, how about "suck my dick...please?"

x: LOL

m: but its not like i wanna have a conversation either. theres a fine line. silent ones are the worst.

x: one time i opened my eyes and the guy was just staring at me. like he was watching the news.

m: OMG. hahahhahaha. dude thats fucking creepy.

i tend to have bbm convos along these lines. i lead an interesting life, i know.